Over-programmed and proud of it!

There are many things I swore I'd never do.  I'd never be a minivan-momma.  I'd never be a "30-something" reading "Twilight" books.  I'd never be a soccer mom.

I am currently all of these things!

In my defense, I have to drive a minivan - we have 3 children.  Further, I feel completely justified reading "Twilight" (and its series sisters "New Moon", "Eclipse", and "Breaking Dawn").  They are excellent books!

I had a moment's trouble with the title "Soccer Mom" though.  I find no fault with soccer, nor with me driving my child to and from practice/games.  With the addition of soccer however, came the realization that my family was officially over-programmed.  We have some sort of activity almost every single day!  Including weekends!

My advice to myself and to you - embrace the chaos of an overprogrammed- life! 
We have so many things going on that are GOOD, that we don't really have time for much that is what I like to call "the UNgood". 

"Ungood" vs. "bad"

Ungood  - sitting on the couch for hours, watching  too much TV, playing too many video games, and eating too much from sheer boredom.  Behaviors that are undesirable, but not dangerous in any obvious way.

Bad  - drugs, underage drinking, stealing, smoking, fighting, etc.


I hope our overprogrammed life is protecting from both the ungood and the bad.  I hope having my daughter at ballet 3 times a week will keep her from becoming a couch potato queen and will fill her with grace and strength.  I hope my son burns some energy on his soccer field and gains skills and friendships through Boy Scouts.  Even the baby can learn support for family by being our captive prisoner as we travel from activity to activity - and occasionally he even gets an activity of his own!

We've added charity walks - showing our children that we are a family who cares about other people (and fitness!).  We've added NFL and NCAA football games - which will get us out of the house and which we will enjoy as a family.  And we've added out-of-state travel to meet our new nephew...and show our children the importance of knowing and supporting family.  We've even started being regular attendees at church, hopefully giving our children a sense of community and faith in something larger than themselves.  Everything we've added to make our lives a hectic mess is also simultaneously making us better people - stronger, kinder, more interesting people.

Yes, I do get tired of driving all the time to activities that hold no personal interest for me.  My cooking some days makes Hamburger Helper look like gourmet cuisine.  The cleanliness of my home might make Martha Stewart elect to go back to prison. 

But I leave you with this question: 
Would you rather have a neat home and a predictable, but possibly boring, existence?
OR interesting and productive chaos?  

As for me - I'm trying to find a balance between the two.  It will have to wait until next year though. We're all booked.



You're being watched!

There is someone watching you!  I'm serious!  They have been watching you for years and you don't even know it.  They know when you go to bed, what you watch on tv, where you sleep and what you eat.  They can very easily steal your credit card number, your car, your jewelry...or your heart. 

I'm talking about...
your children.

I realized I was being watched a little over a year ago.  I had given birth to our 3rd (and last!) child and  I had gained a LOT of weight.  A few months after baby Kyle was born, I was shocked (ok, not really shocked) to learn that I was at my highest non-pregnant weight ever.     My doctor looked at me (again) and said (again) "you know you need to lose some weight".  To which I replied (again) "yes, I know." 

A few weeks later, I joined Weight Watchers.  It seemed like a plan I could follow. I don't mind measuring and counting and it was certainly a better alternative to major bariatric surgery.  This is also when I began to notice that I had a stalker who watched my every move - my 7 year old daughter.

She would ask me what I was doing.  She asked if she could help in the kitchen.  She read my WW books and let me know when a certain food had too many PointsPlus.  I was happy she was interested and thought maybe the good thing I had done for my own life might also have a positive impact on hers.  I was losing weight while simultaneously being a FABULOUS mom!   I was in awe of my own greatness!

Then it occurred to me - she didn't just start watching me; she has been watching me all along.  She sees how much time I spend on Facebook, what shows I record on the DVR (that she is not allowed to watch), what I wear to drive her to school - and when I "sneak" a 2nd cupcake, she sees it and she wants one too.   What am I teaching her about mental and physical health?

My 9 year old son has been watching me too.   He sees me with one hand on the steering wheel while the other is on my cell phone.  He sees me speeding on the interstate and running yellow (ok, red) lights in town.  And on a deeper level, he is forming his first thoughts and opinions about women by watching what I'm doing.  When I spend money we don't have on things we don't need, when I leave the house and I'm looking barely presentable because I was too lazy to "fix" myself that day - he could be processing these things as acceptable female attributes.  What kind of wife is he going to seek based on what he is learning from me?

Am I setting a good enough example for my children?

It is important to me that I "train" my children to be positive, productive members of society.  I want them to be healthy, happy and self-confident.  I want what we all want when we have children - for things to be better and easier for them than they were for us.  After being stalked by the little buggers, I'm realizing that I can't just want these things - I have to manifest them.  I have to live a good life so that they can see what a good life looks like!    

One of my movie heroes, Yoda (of Star Wars fame), says "TRY not.  DO. Or do not.  There is no try."   Yoda is a genius.  He is also a fictional and very powerful Jedi master, which I, sadly, am not. So I try. Each day I try.  I try to eat healthier, spend smarter, drive safer and live better.  I fail at times - I still shop, I still talk on the phone while driving, and I fail frequently at eating healthier, especially if there are tortilla chips and margaritas involved (the villains!).  The point is - I'm aware that I'm being watched.  I know they are tracking me and God help me, I'm going to put on a better show for my little stalkers from now on.

Be a user!

We purchase items to maintain our homes & lives.  Some of these items are not true necessities, but things we intend to use to make a small sector of our lives a little bit better.   Products like "Febreeze" are bought to help our home smell lovely (or hide the fact that our  home, in fact, never smells lovely!).  Products like "Dryel" can help save money on dry cleaning while still allowing us to have good fabrics in our wardrobe.  Most of us also have a drawer or cabinet where we keep things like candles, pretty serving dishes, and "the good napkins", which we save only for guests.  

I myself have an entire cabinet devoted to party supplies. I don't entertain much, but for some reason I cannot resist themed napkins, funky drink stirrers, and little wine glass charms to help seperate my wine glass from yours (which I don't really need - my glass is usually the empty one that needs a refill!).  About four years ago, I purchased some little teacup shaped votive holders (photo below) because they were,and I quote, "too cute not to buy".  I decided my new friends and I would most definitely use them for a tea party for our little girls.  Then we waited. We waited for one of the girls to get a little older. We waited for Summer. We waited for Spring.  We waited for schedules to align.  The sad fact was - we waited four years.

So this brings us to today's tip for your better life  - USE THINGS!  You bought them to make a small portion of your life better - and then may have forgotten that you did this nice thing for yourself.   Why are you hoarding the Febreeze?  Trust me - if it runs out, Target will be happy to sell you another bottle.  For what occasion are you saving the candles?  or the fine china?  or the good (and usually washable!) napkins?   Use the good stuff - your family is worth it. YOU are worth it.  And, as an added bonus, using these things will begin to free up the space they've been monopolizing in your cabinets and on your shelves. 

Your better life awaits you and you probably already have some of the items you need to get started.     I made my daughter's life better (and inherently my own) by using the things I already had to throw a lovely tea party for her and her friends.  I stopped waiting for the right moment to make our lives better.  I used things. And I'm proud of it.

We even used the good china.