The Cookie Torture

We had lunch at Panera. I ordered from the “Choose 2” menu and had a salad and black bean soup. Ok, fine – it came with a small slice of a baguette, which I also ate. All in all, it was pretty healthy, and it definitely met my caloric goals.

My mother was treating us to lunch, which was great because I have three kids and feeding them at Panera isn’t cheap. Once you pay $4.19 for a tiny sandwich (which by the way, has gotten smaller and smaller every time we’ve eaten there) and a yogurt tube, then add a $2 drink, then multiply by 3 – you’ve spent $20 on PB&J and yogurt. If you spent that at a grocery store for the same products, you’d have lunch for the week!

But I digress. As I said, this was my mom’s treat, and because she’s the grandmother, she gets to spoil the kids. Each child got a sweet from the bakery case. My eldest child got a giant cinnamon roll. This poses no threat to me because there’s no way that a 13 year old boy isn’t going to finish this item. My other 2 children got M&M cookies, and this is where the torture begins.


My youngest child is 5 years old, and he doesn’t eat when he’s not hungry. Would that I could possess some of that self-control! He ate very little of the macaroni we’d ordered for him, he ate half of the yogurt tube, and then pushed the cookie away. The giant, chocolate-candy dotted deliciousness that his loving Nana had bought just for him – he didn’t care about it! I told him, “you need to eat your lunch so you can have your cookie or else mommy is going to eat it all up!” Usually this works – he can’t stand for anyone to take what’s rightfully his. He’s third in line for most things, so when he has something, he will fight to the death to defend it!

He had a late breakfast that morning and had felt slightly ill the day prior, so he just wasn’t hungry. And now I’d promised to eat his precious cookie as some kind of bizarre punishment. I’d been tracking my food intake in a virtual diary all week, and had dropped 6 pounds (water weight certainly, but I’ll take it!). This was no time for sabotaging myself for the sake of disciplining a 5 year old. Now it was out there though – mommy will eat your cookie if you don’t do as she says!

I boxed up his entire lunch – the macaroni, the cookie, the yogurt that the 13 year old didn’t eat (who wants yogurt when a giant cinnamon roll is beckoning?), even the napkins. I left no trace of our having been there at all. I brought it all home and put it in the fridge.
There, it began to taunt me, and would continue to taunt me until the wee hours of the next morning.

I knew it was there. We had dinner that evening and even went out for froyo (I got the no sugar added version – I’m such a good girl). We were home by 6:15. By 7:30, I was hungry again. What do we have? I investigated. Oh look! We have a cookie. Colorful, yummy, available cookie – which we never have. I don’t buy them because none of us can resist them. They are only a treat when we are out of the house. Yet there it was; a cookie!

“You’ve lost 6 pounds!” it said to me. “You can have me. It’s ok. You’ve done so well this week, don’t you deserve a little treat?” A little treat would have been a chocolate-chip granola bar, or perhaps a serving of my favorite cereal. This was a 400 calorie, 19g of fat, 52 carb indulgence, NOT a little treat. “It won’t matter – what’s one cookie in the grand scheme of things?” This cookie was literally calling to me from the fridge.

I had a sugar-free fudge popsicle (40 calories), and a raspberry fruit strip (45 calories), a giant glass of water, and then went to bed. The cookie still called. “Nobody will know. Your weigh-in is tomorrow, so you can always start fresh in the morning.” This cookie was working me! It knew all of my weaknesses, and all of my excuses. I couldn’t sleep! I played a few games on my phone. I snuggled with the pets. I watched my favorite re-runs on TV. Midnight passed. 1:00 a.m. passed. COOKIE!!!!!

I made a note to myself – “write about the torturous cookie tomorrow”. It was at that moment that I realized - my story won’t mean anything to anyone if I give in to that coercing cookie. If the cookie wins, then I will feel bad, nobody will be inspired, and on a really pathetic note, I will have taken a cookie away from a 5 year old who didn’t feel well. How bad did I want that damn cookie?

I put on some warm socks and buried myself in covers. Now warm and fuzzy-headed, I was able to drift into sleep. I made it through the night without eating it. I won!

It remained there until morning and I gave it to the 5 year old for breakfast (don’t judge me- it’s been a long Summer). It is out of my life forever now. I feel better about myself. I feel healthier, I stand taller, and I know I set the right example for myself and my kids.

I hope this story helps others fight whatever pastry, potato chip, or peanut butter temptation is calling to them from the depths of their pantries. When you find yourself faced with those Oreos your husband brought home, the leftover cake in the breakroom, or the ice cream at your niece’s birthday party, just think of me and the curse of the cookie and find a smarter snack instead. Believe me, if I can do it, anyone can!

Until we meet again, cookie. Until we meet again!